Some people go through life with no thought as to why or how or what any of this means, they have no thoughts of morals, ethics, or reason. They live an unexamined life, doing whatever they want, whenever they want.
I live in a town with a lot of these people. They surf, they do whatever drugs they can get a hold of and they drink from morning until night. There’s nothing more to their lives.
Sometimes I’m envious. I look at their lives and every now and then, I wish I could feel that empty. I’ve lived that life and enjoyed it, but even there, I’ve never been able to escape the weight of existence and meaning.
There’s no internal voice calling these people to live up to something, no urge to create or contribute. They’re content to eat, shit, fuck, sleep and pass the time. It looks like a simple life. But how does it differ from the life of animals? Does a moment ever come from them when they wake up and realize they’re wasting their one life on Pornhub and hangovers?
It’s much easier to see, here, in this surf town. But they exist in every country, in every town, and in every city. Here though, in the land of the sloths, it’s easy to live this way, they can live on a smaller budget. It’s harder to live like this in Brooklyn or San Francisco, where it costs 7,000 dollars a month to live in a closet.
It’s harder to be active here, it’s too damn hot, and it’s a place people come on vacation. A place to do nothing.
This is hard for me and my hamster wheel brain, which is always searching for some underlying meaning, for a connection to something greater than myself, or for a meaning to life.
When the town empties out for slow season and there aren’t many tattoos to do, I end up in an existential crisis. I need to work on my own projects and to maintain some routine, otherwise, I go rancid.
Sometimes I want to live like a sloth, to have no ambition and no desires, but it’s so fucking boring. I know I don’t really want to live like that, that it looks nice, but it’s a trap. Every now and then though, I’ll get tired and I’ll take a little break. My routine will fall off and I’ll take my eyes off my goals, and get undisciplined and I’ll do whatever I want, whenever I want.
This story always ends the same way, with me being a miserable fuck. So I do the opposite. I’ve got no choice, and when I do, I feel good.
for a way to be consistently happy and present. I’m constantly wondering about how I’m doing, compared to what I could be doing. Or I get frustrated about all the things I’m not doing, I sit there and
Searching history for answers, for examples of great minds and their thoughts on this experience of life.